Of course, as you may already know, I don't have any kids, so this prompt seemed like a challenge to me. What if I write 6 things that I think it's not good at all to do to a child, now, that I'm still ....childless, and come back to this promise-post in the future, when and if I ever will be blessed to have a kid of my own...
Let's go then! Things I'll never do to my kids are mostly things that bothered me as a child, things that made me feel bad, overwhelmed me or discouraged me in any way:
1)I'll never "stick" to my child's imperfections. (Oh, my God, it seems difficcult, already!!!)
If big ears, big nose, or short or fat legs, ...or whatever that may look weird is on the way....I will accept it and shall not let any annoyment appear ever. Kids understand everything and have so many insecurities themselves that the last thing they need is one more confirmation of their deficiencies from their own parent. Everyone has some gifts, why not stick to them instead?
2)I'll never compare my kid to any other kid.
"My first kid is so clever, but the little one has to stydy twice as much to catch up....", "other kids manage everything and you don't even....", "Mary is so good at..., why don't you....",... all these comparisons are so unnecessary! Every kid is unique having its very own personality and we shouldn't expect the same things from all of them. If it's not good enough at one thing, it will definitely be great at something else and that's what we should admire and compliment.
3)I'll never discourage my kid from doing something he or she really likes, just because that's not one of my preferences.
We're different persons from our kids and we may like different things. It may be difficult to accept that one, but it's fair not to mock or underestimate my kid's desires.
4)I'll never depress my kids to do something they don't want in order to satisfy any unrealized dream of mine.
That's the most unfair thing of all! Any human being has its very own dreams, hopes and desires and we must help our kids to live theirs instead of exchanging them with ours!
5)I'll never allow my kids imposing their own rules at home.
Kids have their royalties, but they should learn that people have obligations in real life as well! The sooner they learn this one, the better! And regarding home, parents are the boss. Mom and dad set the rules. They decide what kids are eating, when they're sleeping, when and how long they're studying, playing, watcing T.V., surfing the internet... they decide everything that has to do with their kids' daily routine. That's really important not only for parents health, but especially for children, so that they'll become responsible adults and not spoiled ones... Kids also feel more secure when they follow a program rather than being totally disorganized.
6)I'll never despise my kid's needs.
Personal life, work and hobbies are all very important in a human's life, but when you become a parent I guess your kid is the most important thing in the world. Being a parent means setting any ego aside and stop yourself from being the centre of the universe. Your first priority becomes your kid, as if your heart was beating out of your body...
I don't know how difficult it would be to accomplish these promises under the pressure of daily life, in the real world... I'm pretty sure all parents have made similar promises before they become parents and violated each one of them feeling extremely quilty..., but then, who is perfect? It's helpful to have some principals in mind anyway, to help you lead the long journey of motherhood...
Well, lastly, I promise I'll come back to this post some day, to remind myself of what I've once said, or reconsider and I'll probably surprise myself or just laugh at me... who knows? "Rendez-vous" in future!
Love you all,